


Cursed Love

by pizzawitholives



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Female Percy Jackson, Sad Apollo (Percy Jackson), Sad Percy Jackson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24363871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pizzawitholives/pseuds/pizzawitholives
Summary: He had sworn off love. Love was dangerous and deadly, love left him weak and alone. Lust helped him forget.She had needed to forget and Apollo, perfect Apollo who had been looking to forget as well, was there and she fell so deeply that night it scared her. But turning away scared her more.
Relationships: Apollo/Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson/Original Character(s)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 127





	Cursed Love

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this is just something that I got stuck in my head. Anyway it's kinda AU, set after HOO but ignores anything after that.
> 
> Stay safe and healthy!

Apollo had never been lucky when it came to love. He had cried too many tears over the ones he had lost to ever consider falling in love again. Lust was another matter, he would and could happily have a night with a beautiful woman - or man - and never think about them again. His gift of prophecy never bothered him in those instances, the flashes he occasionally got of his partners possible futures rarely concerned him.

He had sworn off love. Love was dangerous and deadly, love left him weak and alone. Lust helped him forget.

He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised then when he found himself drawn to the daughter of Poseidon. Persephone Jackson (call me Perci or else) was beautiful even when she had been fourteen years old, and travelling across the country to save her friend and his sister, he could see that she would be beautiful. And now here she was, nineteen and gorgeous and as eager to forget as he was.

Perci had seen horrors her whole life, survived two world saving quests and walked through Tartarus. He could see the nightmares of her nights lingering in her eyes even as she was awake and laughing with her friends, or learning from her father.

Despite what Artemis may have thought Apollo wasn’t an idiot. Perci was off limits. Poseidon was not a God he wanted to anger and so despite the draw he felt, Apollo stayed away. It was an accident that he bumped into her. He was out, looking to forget, when he quite literally bumped into her on the dancefloor of the club.

She was out with some of her mortal friends, celebrating the end of her first year of college, and she recognised him instantly. Of course she did, she always was quick.

They had said quick hello’s and then he offered to buy her a drink, he knew he should stop, walk away and not think about her again, but he couldn’t. He needed to be near her, needed to know why she was there.

“I needed to forget. And when my friends mentioned going out I figured this was as good a place as any to forget.” 

She was pressing into him, intoxicating him. She smelled of the sea, smelled like a tropical breeze and her green eyes pulled him in. She wanted to forget. He could help her forget.

They danced together, and for a while he forgot, forgot the pain, forgot why he had been fighting against giving in to this girl, this woman, in front of him.

He forgot, and that was his big mistake.

Love hurts. Love brings him pain. And when he was with Perci he forgot all about that. Normally when he beds someone it’s quick and easy and he shuts himself off. Sometimes he gets a glimpse of their possible futures but he brushes those away quickly.

With Perci it was different. Slower. He wanted to remember every moment, every breath, every touch.

He left before she awoke, leaving a simple note and a sunflower on the pillow next to her.

_ Thank you for helping me forget. _

_ xoxo _

_ A _

* * *

Perci knew when it was happening that she should never have invited Apollo back to her place. But ever since he had helped her out on her quest to save Annabeth and Artemis she had felt drawn to the god. And after the Titan war when gods and demigods were working together to rebuild camp and Olympus Perci had spent time with the sun god and she found herself with quite the crush.

A crush which grew after the giant war and the gods started to open Olympus back up, allowed for gods and demigods to interact. She had volunteered in the infirmary, often using her minimal healing ability with water to help relieve some of the poisonous or infected wounds. He had been there, exhausting himself while he healed, and they had found comfort with each other when they couldn't save someone.

The night she had bumped into him the club Perci had been looking to forget. She had finished her exam about ancient Greece and all the names had reminded her of everyone they had lost in both wars. And Apollo, perfect Apollo who had been looking to forget as well, was there and she fell so deeply that night it scared her. But turning away scared her more.

And now here she was, a month later, waiting in the cabin at Montauk for her father to arrive.

Poseidon appeared with a salty sea breeze, dressed in his usual bermuda shorts and hawaiian shirt, trident held loosely in his hands.

It took Perci several minutes after their greetings to finally tell him her news.

“I'm pregnant, dad. And I have a big favour to ask of you.”

* * *

Apollo found himself watching Perci whenever he could, flying the sun chariot over the city. Their night together had been too brief and he had wanted to stay in the morning, see what would happen, could happen.

He had seen a future with her. Together, her a goddess, married, children. He had seen happiness with her and that scared him. Love scared him. He didn’t get to love, love always ended up hurting him. Love always destroyed the life of the one he loved.

Because he was always watching her it was easy for him to see her on the roof of her apartment building, looking up at him and waving him down. He set the chariot to keep going and appeared next to Perci, drinking in her scent like a man who had lived without water.

“I'm pregnant.”

“You’re going to have a baby, our baby? Perci that’s great!”

Apollo could see the tears in her eyes, could hear the tremor in Perci’s voice, he knew that somehow the news saddened her as much as it overjoyed her.

And his joy came crashing down as well.

“You can’t claim them. They can’t know who you are. I spoke to my father and he agreed to claim them as his grandchild.”

Apollo’s eyes snapped up from where he was looking at her stomach, a product of himself and the woman in front of him was growing in there. “Perci, no, it’s my child, it is my right to claim them. I want to, no I need to know them.”

Tears spilled out of Perci’s eyes and Apollo considered for a moment that he had never seen her cry before. 

“I know, Apollo, believe me I wish with all my heart they could know you but it wouldn’t be safe. There are gods who still don’t think I should be allowed to live, there are monsters and Titans who hate me. There are monsters and Titans who hate you.” Perci kept crying and Apollo stepped forward, he wanted to hold her, tell her everything would be okay, whisk her away to be safe, to be with him forever, happy forever. “It will be hard enough for our child, growing up as my kid. They won’t have an easy road and I shudder to think what would happen when Zeus or Hera found out that this child has the blood of two olympians, and is mortal and not bound by the same laws as they are.”

“Marry me. Become my wife, become a goddess. Our child will become immortal and we won’t have to worry, they will be safe. Perci I love you, and I love our child.” Apollo did not cry, had not cried since Hyacinth died in his arms, but as Perci shook her head he felt the need to swallow back his tears.

“I will not marry you Apollo, I enjoyed my mortal childhood, I love knowing that I won't live forever so I make every moment count." Perci looked pained, as though she did not want to continue, but she took a deep breath and steeled herself. She always was strong "gods aren't faithful Apollo. As much as this hurts it would kill me to know that you had bedded a mortal and sired a child with them. I'm living proof of how little gods regard oaths, my father went against his marriage and his vow on the Styx. Even Mr D. who claims he loves his wife has had demigod children. That's a pain I can't live through."

* * *

When Perci gave birth the first person to hold her daughter after her was her Poseidon. Her mum and Paul both had been travelling for her mother’s book launch so her father had taken her to the hospital and helped her through the birth.

As she watched Poseidon cradle his granddaughter she spoke to him.

“When I first arrived at camp Annabeth told me that the life of a demigod is not easy. I learnt early on that my life in particular was almost impossible. I’ve spent so long thinking my life must be cursed, and when I held her in my arms I almost believed it wasn’t. But if my life wasn’t cursed then she would know her father and I would be with the one I love.  _ My  _ life may be cursed but I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure hers isn’t.”

“I fear that your life was destined to be hard from the moment you were conceived, Perci. Never doubt that I love you but if I could go back and stop myself from breaking that vow and you being born I would. I doomed you to a cursed life and I wish I could take it away.”

As Perci took her daughter back from her father she considered his words. If her daughter had to face half the terrors she had, then she would probably wish that she had stopped herself too.

“You know who her father is, don’t you.”

“I do, the moment I saw her I could tell. Perci she will be a strong demigod one day, and I fear that one day you will not be able to hide it.”

After her father left to inform Chiron and the rest of the camp about her daughter Perci held her close and whispered to her.

“You are so loved my child, do not doubt that. And never doubt that your father loves you. He would be overjoyed to know you, but he loves you so much and his heart is so kind that he will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

“Is that her?”

Perci looked up to see Apollo standing there, dressed in doctors scrubs and looking like he belonged in that hospital.

“Apollo, you agreed...”

“I know, but I just needed to see her, just once.”

“She looks like you already. The doctor claimed her eyes would darken but they’re the same shade as yours, I know they aren’t going to change.” Perci watched as Apollo stared at their daughter, taking in all the details he could. “Her name is Halle Elidi Jackson.”

“That’s… that’s a perfect name.” Apollo handed her a small rattle, it was a small celestial bronze stick with a golden sun on top, and when she shook it, rather than hearing the usual rattle, she could hear a soft musical melody.

“Halle meaning Heroine, of the sea and an unexpected gift. Elidi means … gift of the sun.” Perci told him, both names were greek and Apollo definitely knew what they meant but she needed to tell him, let him know that she had honoured him in their daughters name. “If anyone asks the middle name is because of the blonde hair she has, when I saw it, it reminded me of the sun.”

* * *

Halle was three the next time Apollo approached Perci. Perci was twenty three and was running an after school and early learning center for demigods and the kids of demigods. Of course to the public it was for children with learning or behavioural difficulties which had a waitlist a mile long. 

Perci and Halle had just been to the shops before heading to the center, Apollo following at a distance. He had been walking around trying to forget. It was four years ago that day when he and Perci had created their little miracle, four years since he had fallen in love and had run. Four years since he had looked at another person and wanted to forget. This time he couldn’t forget. Wouldn’t forget.

He knew that Perci had been aware of his presence the moment he stepped into the center, even though she was facing away from him.

“Piper, do you think you could take Halle to play out the back? I have some stuff I want to fix up in the office.”

As much as he wanted to follow his daughter Apollo knew that Perci would not allow that, so with another look at the happy girl with blonde pigtails he followed the woman he wished he could forget. Forgetting meant he could move on. But he couldn’t forget. He wouldn't forget.

“Apollo, what are you doing here? We decided that you would stay away from her.”

“You decided Perci, I agreed. Look I didn’t mean to but I was nearby and saw you guys walk past, I couldn’t stop myself from following.” Apollo gazed at Perci, she was as beautiful as always, the nightmares she always held in her eyes had diminished, still there but not as harsh as four years ago. “It’s been four years, you know, since…”

“I know.”

After another minute of silence Apollo turned to leave and his eyes caught on a photo. “Who’s that?” The picture was of Perci and Halle, with them was a blonde haired blue eyed guy, he looked about the same age as Perci and both of them held Apollo’s daughter as they smiled at the camera.

“That’s Matthew, he’s my boyfriend. Almost one year now. He’s great with Halle and she lov… she gets along with him too.”

Apollo nodded and left, sparing one last glance at his daughter as she laughed on the swing set, before flashing away into his house on Mount Olympus. For the first time in a long time he let the tears fall, silently and for a minute as he looked at the photo he kept hidden. The only photo he had of Halle and Perci, he had taken it the day she was born as she opened her eyes in her mother's arms.

* * *

Perci ran into Halle’s room as her daughter screamed.

“I'm here angel, I’m here.” Gently she gathered Halle into her arms, the five year old girl shaking in fear. “Another dream?”

Her daughter nodded and Perci sighed. For the past six months Halle’s dreams had been getting worse and worse, to the point they were happening every night and Halle was lucky to get four hours of sleep.

“Ok sweetheart, you stay here and breathe ok, mumma’s gonna go make a quick call to see if we can find a way to help you.” Perci gave her daughter a quick kiss and walked into her kitchen. 

“Hey, I know you can hear me, it’s kinda important so if you could come that would be great. It’s for Halle.”

“Is Halle okay?”

Perci turned around, Apollo was standing there, a worried look on his face.

“Nothing too bad. It’s just, dreams. She’s been having dreams about things that haven’t happened yet, but it’s been getting worse, she hasn’t been able to get a proper sleep for weeks. Is there anything that can be done?”

“There is one thing. But Perci you need to understand, she won’t remember anything about the dreams, not really. She will know that she had bad dreams but no details. She will still get dreams, I can’t stop that entirely and she won't remember a single thing from the last twenty four hours.”

“Do it. I hate the idea of her losing her memory, even just a day's worth, but I can’t let it go on anymore, she needs some peace.”

Perci led Apollo to her daughter’s room “She won’t remember you being here will she?”

“No. nothing. As far as she will be concerned she had a full nights sleep and simply can’t remember what she did today.”

With a nod Perci entered Halle’s room, their daughter was sitting up in bed, holding onto her old baby rattle, the one Apollo had given her. Even at the age of five the music it let out calmed Halle and so Perci had been leaving it on Halle’s bedside table since the dreams had started.

“Hey angel. This is Apollo, he’s your… well, he’s...”

“A friend of your mum’s.”

Perci looked over at Apollo before turning back towards her daughter “Yes he’s a friend of mine and he is going to help you stop your dreams.”

“Really?”

“Yes sweetheart, now I need you to be a good girl and listen to what he says, mumma will be right here.”

“Hi Halle, now can you lay down and close your eyes for me? Good job. Now can you think about how you feel when you dream? Think about it and hold onto it and I promise everything will be okay soon. Now I need you to take a deep breath and let it out slowly.” As he spoke Apollo waved his hands over Halle’s head and her distress melted away until she was peacefully asleep.

As he stood up Percy watched Apollo’s hand brush over where Halle was holding on to the rattle before he followed her back out into the kitchen.

“Thank you.” 

“No need, anything I can do to help our daughter, besides it was nice to get to see her properly.”

“Why did you stop me from telling her you were her father? she would not have remembered in the morning.”

“Because Perci for the briefest moment I would have had nearly everything I wanted, and as much as I wish for a day where she can call me dad and she knows how much I love her I could not face the pain of having it all for a moment only to lose it again once she forgot.”

Perci felt her heart break again. She cried once he left, cried because this beautiful god with such a big heart would never know his child. Not for the first time did Perci wish she had agreed to his offer, but she was her mother's daughter, her life needed to be lived. And no matter how much she loved Apollo she could not sit through forever watching as he sired demigods, could not risk her doing the same to him.

* * *

In the following months Apollo kept an even closer eye on Halle. Having had her so close to him had really made him aware of how much he missed her, and so he looked for an opportunity to interact with her again without Perci present.

It happened one afternoon, he spotted his daughter heading into a shop and without looking he simply appeared behind the counter, trusting the mist to ensure no one would question his presence. Halle walked over to him, followed by a blonde man he recognised. Perci’s boyfriend. 

“Hello mister! Could you help us please?” Halle called up to him and Apollo gave her a smile.

“For such a lovely little girl, of course I can help.”

“Sorry about her, Halle is just such a friendly kid.” the guy, Matthew, said, giving him an apologetic smile.

“No problem at all, now how can I help?” Apollo asked, trying to avoid only watching Halle, lest the guy get suspicious.

“We need a ring, because Matt is gonna pro..pah…”

“Propose..”

“Yeah propose to my mummy, and I get to help him!”

Apollo froze. Propose. A quick glance told him that, yes, he was in a jewellery shop, and yes, he was behind the counter with engagement rings. Quickly he shook himself out of his shock “Ah how… wonderful. Now here we have a lovely selection of rings, might I suggest choosing from this row, they are our most popular.”

He pointed to a row of rings that were simple but elegant. They weren’t the most pricey rings but he knew that Perci would prefer one of these to a gaudy ring.

Matthew held Halle up and asked her which one she liked. They quickly agreed on a ring and Apollo called an actual worker over to handle the sale and quickly escaped back to Olympus.

It was a week later that Artemis confronted him. It had been the summer solstice and while he used to party with most of the other gods and goddesses after the meeting ever since Perci he hadn’t felt the same.

Artemis followed him home and would not leave until her brother told her what had upset him.

And so he did. Told her about how he had felt drawn to Perci and how much he loved her and their child. How he couldn’t be a part of their lives. Perci’s fears, Halle’s dreams. And finally how she was going to be engaged.

“Brother, go to Perci. Speak with her. Tell her how you feel, work it out. I’m sure you can find a way to be a part of Halle’s life.”

* * *

Perci was sitting at her kitchen table, alone, looking at the ring on her left hand. Love hurt. And what hurt more was that she would never be able to love Matthew as much as she still loved Apollo. A demigod’s life was hard. Her life was cursed. Halle deserved better.

“Hey Perci.”

“Apollo.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I told Matthew. About gods and demigods and everything. Well, I didn’t tell him about you being Halle’s father. But everything else. And he believed me and told me he still loved me but he needed a couple of days to process it all.” Perci looked up. Something in Apollo’s eyes mirrored what she saw in her own everytime she looked in the mirror. Heartbreak.

Apollo sat down next to her, silently offering support, but careful to not actually touch her.

“I had to tell him, there’s already been a few weird things that happened which I had been able to explain away but soon it will be too hard, especially once we marry and are living together. And when I want to send Halle to camp he needs to know why. He deserved the truth.”

“I’m sure it will all be okay. Everything will be fine.” Apollo offered, and Perci could see him trying to smile.

She missed him. Perci realised. She had missed the warmth and the heat that seemed to exist between them. She missed how perfect they had felt together that night. And she knew that she would never love another person the way she loved this god.

She didn’t know who kissed who first. But somehow, they were together, holding on to each other and trying to not let go.

“Halle?”

“With mum and Paul, didn’t want her here when I told him.”

And with that acknowledgement they moved together, making their way to Perci’s bed and once again Perci lost herself to the god she loved.

* * *

Apollo woke to find that Perci wasn’t next to him. With a snap he was dressed and he walked into the kitchen, Perci was in there, speaking to someone through an I'M.

“Ok mum, I will swing by and pick Halle up after lunch. See you then."

"How is Halle?" Apollo expected that Perci would have been aware of his presence so when she jumped he was surprised.

"Apollo! I thought you would have gone back to Olympus by now."

Apollo smiled and moved to hug Perci, she stepped back, so he dropped his arms "why would I go? Love we just had an incredible night together…"

Perci flinched at his nickname "It was only a night. A mistake. It wasn't supposed to happen. I'm engaged to a man I love and he loves me."

"Really Perci? After last night you still want to marry him. Perci we love each other! Why won't you accept it, marry me, stay with me and Halle, forever."

"No Apollo! Enough."

"Why? Perci what can possibly keep you from following your heart?" And as much as he loved Perci Apollo was angry. Angry at the cards she had been dealt, angry at the rules she had set. Angry that he loved her. Angry that no matter how much he wished it he could not and would not forget her.

"I can't marry you because… one day we will regret it. One day we will grow tired of each other and forget our vows and we will end up in the arms of a mortal. I can't be the one to do that to you and I can't be the one you do it to."

"You want to know something Perci, I'm pretty intuitive. Comes with the whole prophecy schtick. And I don't think you told Matthew the truth because you needed to. You told him because you hoped he would run, you wanted him to go so that you didn't have to do it yourself. You don't love him the way you love me."

And Apollo knew that he was right, he had always been able to read Perci, and he knew that in her heart of hearts Perci had hoped for a way out.

"Leave now."

* * *

She was pregnant. And she knew that Apollo was the father. Matthew didn't, he thought it was his, they had slept together several times on the days surrounding Apollo's visit. Everyone believed it was Matthew's.

This time she wouldn't, couldn't tell Apollo, it would break him if she asked him to stay away from another child, to stay away from their son.

Still as she watched Matthew hold her son, all she wished in that moment was to see Apollo holding him instead.

She could not live an immortal life, watching as those she loved died, watching the world move on around her. And as much as he claimed to love her Apollo was a god and she would not be able to bear the pain of knowing her husband had bedded a mortal and sired a child that was not hers.

"He looks like you." She told Matthew. Truthfully he looked like Halle and Apollo, but Matthew with his blue eyes and blonde hair looked to all the world as though he was their father.

"Helios Poseidon you are so loved." Matthew whispered, holding the boy close.

He had chosen the names, telling her that he was as blonde as Halle and was their sun as well, why not name him after the sun god. And while at it why not name him after her father as well.

And try as she did, Perci could not think of any reason against the names, although her love of the name Helios was because in a small way she wanted to honour his father.

* * *

The day of Perci's wedding Artemis was with Apollo. 

He had told her to go, all the gods had been invited, but she had insisted on staying with him.

He knew that she was worried he would do something rash, had been ever since he found out Perci had a son with the human, and for once in his life, Apollo agreed with his sister.

The problem was she left him alone so that she could make sure her huntresses were all fine without her or Thalia for the day. And when he was alone, Apollo made stupid decisions.

Perci didn't turn around when he appeared. But she was staring at a mirror so she could definitely see him.

"You look beautiful Perci."

"Thank you. I wasn't sure I would see you today."

"I was planning on staying away but Artemis left me alone…"

Perci didn't react to the knowledge that Artemis knew. She probably figured it out, she always was smart.

"Are you happy Perci?"

"Yes. He makes me happy and he makes Halle happy. He's a good man and a good father." 

Apollo flinched. "You deserve so much more than just happy. You deserve to feel overjoyed and ecstatic and loved and in love. You deserve to live a life filled with magic and love. He doesn't deserve a gem as perfect as you."

Before Perci could reply Poseidon walked in holding a one year old boy, he must have been Perci's son, judging by his age and the way he reached for her.

"Hey baby, look at you all handsome in your suit. Thanks dad. Could you give us a minute, keep Halle away."

"Of course Perci."

Apollo looked at the child. He looked like the human, Matthew Blonde hair, blue eyes. Actually he looked like Halle did at that age. Almost identical to Halle.

The age, his name. It all hit Apollo at the same time.

"He's mine, isn't he?"

"Apollo…"

But before she could say anything more Apollo left. Back in his house, he broke down in his sisters arms. He cried. Cried for his love, cried for his children who would never know him. Cried for the happy future he had seen that first night with Perci. Cried because he had seen his wedding to Perci, seen their children and grand children. He had seen happiness.

Apollo cried as his heart broke and he remembered that love hurt. Only this time he knew he couldn't forget.

**Author's Note:**

> I realised after I wrote this that Perci kind seems like the enemy here so I just wanted to clear some stuff up in case.
> 
> She knows how much it sucks to live the life of a demigod, she was the product of a broken vow and a cheating god. She should not exist. And she knows that it is a gods nature to fall into bed with mortals. Camp half-blood is proof of that.
> 
> So despite how much she loves Apollo marrying Matthew is the better choice for her and her kids.
> 
> And as much as Apollo is stuck on Perci now eventually he will find a mortal he lusts after and Perci has seen the gods and has seen what all the cheating has done to them. And Perci doesn't want that for her kids.


End file.
